The Uncivilized You

Why do we stop at red lights in the middle of the night with no one around? Same reason we stopped killing each other for dumb reasons. Civilization.

But do you have any idea how uncivilized you still are?

Most people today aren’t taking advantage of why our ancestors entered this experiment in the first place: to make life better, not easier. The aim was survival. Mission accomplished. But now? We’ve slipped into an existence with too much comfort, and it’s killing our drive for progress.

In answering the question of why we engage in civilized activities, you’re not going to get an answer that doesn’t have comfort in it. We beat back nature. We extended the average human life well past its intended expiration date. When we ran in tribes and lived in trees, that range was 30–40 years. At the height of the Roman Empire, a man could expect to live to around 50. 2025? It’s 78. Civilization has done its job.

So I’ll loudly and proudly remind you when I take the stage at my TED talk with this line: We’ve won the war to be civilized!

But what are you doing with the time civilization has bought you?

Look at what global civilization has brought into your life in just the last 30 years. No one does their job the same way. No one maintains health the same way. No one communicates the same way. It’s all more comfortable. But to what end?

If it’s to be more efficient, fine. But to spend more time doing what?

It’s been my experience that there are exactly two types of people: those who complain and those who find something to use as a resource.

One of my favorite questions to gauge where someone’s at in life is this:

What would you do with four hours if I dropped you off in a Midwestern American pasture on a clear summer day with no one around for 100 miles, wearing only the clothes on your back?

The answer is in the reaction. Those who would thrive start thinking of resources, looking around. They fumble because they don’t know what the scene might yield; but they’re engaged. Those who flounder react as if their life is in danger—because it is. Their existence is comfort. And when even the idea of it gets ripped away, they panic.

But the resilient few in 2025? They see that question for what it really is: a fun test. Or better yet, four hours of peace.

If you’re ever going to get what you say you want out of life, the first realization has to be this: Life doesn’t get more comfortable from here. In fact, it gets very, very uncomfortable every day if you’re doing it right.

Look at the ones who seek out discomfort? They’re at the gym at 5 AM. They’re the ones waking up to journal or sip something warm in silence before the rest of the neighborhood. That’s not about ego or grind culture. That’s discipline. That’s presence of the best kind; for you.

But you can’t seem to muster that kind of routine, can you? It’s not because you're lazy. Again, it’s because life feels too uncomfortable. If you were honest, really honest, about why you’re not where you think you should be in life…what’s the answer? You know it’s because you’re not seeking discomfort. You’ve seen the ones who stay away from fun and get stuff done to accomplish something you haven’t. They’re not doing anything you’re not capable of. 

If you’re ready to change, try the two most uncomfortable things you could do right now: Stick to a routine and ditch your phone.

Every successful human on this planet has a routine. Yours needs to be tailor-made for you and your purpose and then followed like your life depended on it. But if your purpose isn’t solid, your motivation will have the strength of wet tissue paper. The key, I’ve found, is to do everything you don’t want to do ASAFP.

The freedom and peace that comes from having the hard stuff done first is a gamechanger. But to enjoy that, you’ll have to first modify your routine, which can be monstrous and tiring. So here’s my boring, not-so-radical suggestion: Lose your phone.

Right now, your entire existence is conditioned around your phone. You need to strip that away from who you are and detach from that device and that mindset. You need to find out what you would do with the hours you spend on your phone now. Are you going to read? Are you going to watch TV? Are you going to want to call a friend? Are you going to want to go for a walk? Are you going to want to do nothing?

You need to get back to being human so you can thrive, not just survive. When your phone is on you, you’re like a fireman waiting for a call of the worst kind. You’re always on high alert for a call that doesn’t matter. Always ready. But that’s not how we’re supposed to live in civilization. That type of attention span was needed to look out for charging animals or diving birds. You’re supposed to be calm and calculated, moving for things only when there’s a real threat. But those don’t happen to you anywhere near as much as you think or want them to happen, do they?

You’ve heard this before: only 7% of human communication is the actual words spoken. The rest is tone, inflection, expression, and body language. All of that is lost on a screen, where you’ve always known it never felt like you were connecting. You've been interpreting pixels and code as human interactions. No wonder everything feels off for so many people. 

So how do you leave your phone alone for a month in 2025?

You just do it. If people need you, they’ll find you. I promise. It’s 2025. Try to hide for more than a few minutes. They’ll find you. But know you’re going to tell yourself you need it. You might even tell people that lives are in peril. They’re not. That voice is a big fat liar called suffering in imagination and it’s exactly why you’re stuck.

Stop feeling pain when it isn’t there. Pay attention to the pain that’s actually in front of you and you’ll realize it’s never really that bad. Physical, emotional, financial, personal, professional; none of it was ever as bad as you imagined. That’s the most self-aware thing you can do is recognize how much your fear will lie to you.

There is a very easy and very awesome cure you already know about. Meditating and journaling will get you there fast, but you simply need to make plans when sober and then stick to them. 

So, what are the things you know you need to do every day, week, and month? This isn’t a thought exercise. It’s an action you’re going to take if you’re serious about taking advantage of the work we’ve done to make civilization work for you. Write down all your needed good habits and then schedule them like appointments with your boss. Then do them. 

Whew. That’s the hard part, huh? No it’s not. It’s in your head, but it’s also where you’re at today. Tomorrow will be easier because when you fail, you’ll journal about it.

The hardest part of all this? Knowing what you’re truly capable of. You’ll plan to do X, Y, and Z; but only have energy for X. That’s fine. Reel it in tomorrow. Shrink expectations and keep trying to do what you said you’d do. We won’t let you fail.  

If you need some extra guidance, that’s why I’m here.