Money Should Serve Purpose, Not Ego

Allow me to introduce you to my friend Todd. He’s an unsuspecting millionaire, but he’s reclusive, cheap, and perpetually grumpy. Todd fits a stereotype you probably don’t imagine when you hear the word millionaire. He hacked the stock market, retired early, and has been living off his financial windfall ever since, but Todd’s far from happy.

Even though Todd is retired, he still spends all day glued to his computer; only now, instead of chasing money, he’s chasing a purpose he thinks will be fulfilled by finding the perfect wife. After spending his twenties in school and his thirties and forties building wealth, he figured it was finally time for love. The marketplace of bodies is always willing to provide him and men like him with instant connections, but the marketplace of genuine love will never be interested in what he’s selling.

On paper, he has everything: accounts full of cash, a fridge full of great food, and a cellar full of expensive wine. But he eats alone most nights and his romantic resume has only his winnings from the body marketplace paid with cash, arrangements, and shame. There are no teammates in the body marketplace, only transactions, so he’s never felt the love of a lasting connection. The day Todd dies, there will be movements due to the logistics of his death, but there will be no human emotion expressed on his behalf because it is more likely than not that no one will know he died until well after it happens.

Todd is socially anxious and emotionally underdeveloped because he spent his life learning how to make a lot of money, not how to serve and be someone others want to be around. The wisdom he spouts is part Jim Collins, part finance-bro regurgitation, but none of it his own. Okay, so Todd is a fictional composite, but I know too many men who match this profile exactly. They’re all very wealthy, withdrawn, and wasting their lives.

These are the 21st-century millionaires we rarely see or hear about. They’re the men who made it their mission to be rich and now live to consume, correct, and control. They eat the same meals at the same places so they can spot service flaws and feel important fixing them. They deny second dates with women who would otherwise make their lives whole if they just put aside their ego for a hot minute. They aren’t fulfilled, they’re just better-funded in their misery than a common slave with a bit more free time. But you’ll never see them because they’ll refuse to interact with the general public until they need to.

Now, meet my other millionaire friends. Same income bracket with the same financial literacy. But everything else about their existence is different. They’re active in their communities, show up at local events, and know the names of their neighbors. They live in nice homes, but they’re not show-offs. They buy toys, but they share them with their kids and neighbors. They grumble along with everyone else, but it’s usually about politics or the failures of others who don’t strive for excellence. They’re the guy driving next to you on the morning commute listening to worthwhile podcasts from the likes of Ryan Holiday and Dr. Andrew Huberman.

Here’s the critical difference between these two guys: one has a purpose they serve, the other serves their vices. One has a partner they show up for, a family to lead, and a life that demands more than just checking their portfolio. The other has only themselves and so that’s who they serve, very well. And that’s what divides the lonely rich from the fulfilled wealthy. It’s not the number in your bank account. It’s whether your money serves your purpose or your ego. Then it boils down to the sentiment Epictetus talked about: “Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.”

I hear you and see your eye rolls. How does this pertain to your finances today? Aren’t I supposed to be spouting wisdom about how we’re supposed to utilize money correctly?

Hang in there.

The word “resources” once meant land, tools, food, water, and relationships; everything around us that we could use to make our lives less burdensome. Today, your resources usually means how much cash you have on hand or how much money you can get for your assets in today’s markets. And that’s the problem, because money isn’t the source. Money is what the source (market) gives us. See how you’re not the source? You’re a tool and tools can’t set or amend a mission statement.

You’re most likely getting paid to execute someone else’s mission. That’s what a job is. That’s what an economy needs. That’s good if you’re fine with this arrangement. And if you’re fine with the amount of money you’re making, skip ahead six paragraphs.

You want more money because you think it’ll buy freedom? First, stop pretending you’re the hero of your story. You’re either serving someone else’s mission or getting jerked around by your own ego. If you want to earn more, stop waiting for luck. Be useful or solve problems. That’s all money really is: a reward for being a tool or solving problems. That “fuck you” money you’re chasing? It doesn’t come from helping a few people. It comes from having the guts to take initiative and solve real problems for others. The bigger the problem you solve, the bigger the check. It’s not magic, it’s math.

So ask yourself plainly: What actual problem will you solve for others? Not the problem you think needs to be solved, but the ones your friends and colleagues and community members are bitching about. Which of those can you fix? Not what feeds your ego, but what fixes their problem? What experience, training, skills, and desires do you have that can solve a problem that people are actually willing to pay for?

Here’s the question that exposes the Todds of the world: If your reasons for chasing money are noble and serve a family or a purpose that impacts us, then why aren’t you better at it? And if you don’t want a partner or a family, fine and good. But then what exactly are you serving? If you're just spending money to fuel your pleasures, what good is that for anyone else? Where’s your contribution? What problem are you solving other than trading money in our economy? Or do you really expect the rest of us to exist so you can be comfortable, admired, and uninterrupted?

Most people think money buys freedom. Not even close. Purpose buys freedom and discipline preserves it. Money just gives you better options. But remember, it’s now a law of human existence: without a good purpose, available options always lead straight to addiction, disconnection, and spiritual decay.

The greatest men I know and have heard of don’t serve money. They make it serve them. They don’t chase comfort. They chase challenges according to a good mission; one that benefits them to be sure, but it usually always provides a greater comfort to the masses. And most importantly, they lead as a service to all, not to gain reputation and admiration of a few.

No, you don’t need more money. You need more purpose. Because when you know what you’re here to serve, every dollar, every hour, every sacrifice has meaning and the shit you’re chasing now will be meaningless; as it should be.

If you're still fighting for food, water, or safety, stop reading. That’s a different kind of battle. Call someone. Call me. You don’t need advice. You need aid. But if your basics are covered and you still feel like money rules your worries, you’re not in a financial crisis, you have purpose and character issues.

The solution to your shitty financial landscape that I’m going to sell you is simple and you know it already. It’s not easy, but it’s very simple. You cover your basic needs first. Set bills to autopay and limit non-essentials. Build a savings cushion. Invest with purpose.

How far are you outside that recipe right now?

Logic and statistics tell me you don’t have a problem making money, you have a problem spending the money you do have. You know the rule: if you can’t afford something, don’t buy it. But do you remember what it’s like to not have something you want? Delayed gratification and pleasure from restraint need to be the themes of the day for you from now on.

If you can afford it, check your objective: ask if it serves your purpose. If the answer isn’t quick and clear, you’re lying to yourself. Don’t ever buy anything because you think you are entitled to it. You’re entitled to the breath you lived yesterday. Any deviations from that line of thinking will end you as fast as it did them.

Say it out loud: I don’t need it. None of us do and the ones who gave in are dead or about to be. The ones who say, “no,” more than you are the people you think are better than you; and they are. Those who can call themselves good and successful don’t give into wants and urges and desires like you. Do you see how slippery the slope is for people who have their needs met but live chasing wants? It isn’t that they don’t want those things, they simply have the integrity to say no like an adult.

That sting? Good. It just means you need some training.

Look, you deserve a life lacking in strife and struggle, but how much do you struggle from things caused by your own self-inflicted bullshit? Commit this memory: peace and happiness comes from discipline, which includes saying “no” a lot to a lot of what you want, including dopamine and external validation. But remember that line up there where I said “pleasure from restraint” and you glanced over it? That needs to be the legitimate goal. But let’s be honest, that’s not possible for you right now. You’re not going to feel good if you quit something cold turkey without replacing the purpose behind needing that thing. See how it’s a purpose problem for you?

So what should you do with your money? Invest in your purpose. Period.

If your purpose is family, invest in your household. If your purpose is growth, invest in your skillset. If your purpose is a community, invest in the people. What’s your purpose right now? Is it your ego or your family?

Remember, money isn’t always the best investment. But also remember both time and money are finite and can be wasted without thinking. Ever spend two hours on a book or show that gave you nothing back? That’s a bad investment and you’ll be stuck with the worst kind of debt: wasted time. Same goes for people.

Ask this before you invest: does it serve me or my purpose?

When you’ve got your financial house in order and your money is serving your purpose seamlessly, give. Give money. Give time. Give wisdom. Stoics give everything they have; never to scratch their ego or signal their virtue, but to strengthen the whole of us. Strive to be like a Stoic; the lighthouse in a storm of chaos; sturdy, resolved, unwavering from your purpose. Because if your money only makes your present better, it’s never going to make your life better. And if your life isn’t peaceful and happy, how the hell do you think you’re ever going to help us or give us your best?

Use your money to protect what matters, build what lasts, and cut through the lies you’ve told yourself about what you need. Make money work for your purpose, not you.