The One Problem That Ruins Every Man

A lot of men have a very serious problem. And it’s not a mild quirk. It’s the root of every failed marriage, every stalled career, and every man who dies bitter, broke, and alone. It’s THE reason why men never face the mirror. It’s why we stay stuck, why relationships fall apart, and why potential never becomes legacy.

You don’t have to look far to see the damage. It’s behind broken homes, toxic leadership, political chaos, and the slow rot of modern civilization. This isn’t just your problem. It’s the world’s problem. And until you kill it, it will keep killing everything you care about.

It’s ego. Not the loud kind you laugh about with friends, but the quiet, corrosive force behind your worst moments. Every time you get defensive, blow up, shut down, or fake calm, it’s your ego. You’ve always known it was there, but you’ve never faced it directly. Not with real honesty. Not with discipline. And definitely not with consequence.

You’ve seen what ego does to other men. It wrecks marriages, stalls careers, poisons reputations. You told yourself you were different. You’re not. Your partner doesn’t trust your words. Your kids sense the tension. Your coworkers avoid following your lead. Slowly, you’ve stopped being admired. You’ve become someone we tolerate.

Now ask yourself: Are you proud of how you show up? Are your motivations kind? Selfless? Focused? Answer honestly: Are you the hero in your own story or the villain everyone’s too tired to fight?

Ego touches everyone, but men let it rot down to their foundation. We don’t just sabotage our own growth, we let it destroy intimacy, trust, and connections galore. We second-guess, procrastinate, manipulate. Some idiots call it strength or think if it’s healthy, it’s good. Ego is never healthy or good unless it’s dead and gone.

Imagine I read this aloud in front of your friends, especially the women. Watch them nod. They know. We all know. You know too.

If you’re still reading, you’re one of two people: you either love someone acting like a narcissist, or you are the one who needs to suppress your ego. If that line stings, good. It’s time to look around and at yourself. If your relationships feel hollow, your confidence is waning, and your inner voice sounds more like an enemy than a guide and best friend, you’re definitely the latter.

Here’s the Truth

Whatever you want is on the table. That crazy dream life you’ve always wanted? Doable. The man you pretend to be in your own head? It’s all within reach. Deep down, you know that. But you’ve got to change the story today, man! 

So when does this stop? When you’re ugly crying to a strange nurse about missed opportunities and bad breaks? When your kids start copying your worst habits? When your partner finally leaves your sad ass?

You’ve always had the work ethic. You’ve always had the will. What you lacked was what this is: a push that won’t let you lie to yourself anymore. I’m very glad you’re reading these words. But there’s a decision in front of you. You either pivot right now or you double down on the same miserable path you’ve been dragging yourself down.

And if you double down? Let me be Torch Lake clear: here’s exactly what you’re about to lose.

Your self-talk will get meaner. The ruminations darker. The few strong connections you have left? They’ll fray and disappear. You’ll misplace relationships you didn’t even know were precious until they’re gone. Your job performance is already shaky when emotions flare. It’s not a matter of if, but when they start noticing you’re not holding up your end of the bargain. Keep going like this and it’s going to be the literal death of you.

Let me say this plainly, in bold letters, so you don’t miss it:

If you don’t address your ego, your life is guaranteed to end in regret.

Not the cinematic kind. This is the kind of pain that turns men into ghosts long before they take their last breath. This will be the quiet, long spoil kind of death where everyone forgets fast because it’s too sad to remember your ending.  The kind that buries you under unspoken apologies, stale check-ins, and inside jokes no one laughs at anymore.

This isn’t about guilt. This is about ownership. 

You don’t need another coach or podcast. You need a flashlight. You’re walking blind, forgetting the resources you have and the people who helped get you this far. That matters. Because the road ahead? It has no applause, no distractions, and no external validation. It leads somewhere you’ve never truly been: peace. But you’re not interested in peace, are you? You want something more. You want different people in your life. You want to be in different scenes. You’ve got it wrong.

You’re not broken. But the way you were trained to be a man is. Most American men come from a culture of grin-and-bear-it. “Man up” and keep going. But most of us were raised by men who never actually faced hardship. They just repeated bad advice with some added booze and drugs and lots of hate. They did a good job of teaching survival, but not real strength. 

We’ve all heard it: “No one’s perfect.” But you don’t believe that. Because you’ve seen men who seem damn near flawless. Calm. Clear. Focused. Always energized. Always composed. Not chained to people, cravings, or moods. And deep down, you wonder: were they made different?

No. They were trained. Maybe their parents broke cycles for them. Maybe they rewired sooner. But they did the work. Success and greatness isn’t divine favor; it’s ego, mastered.

The only reason you haven’t mastered yours is simple: you’ve been chasing the wrong dragon. So let’s name it. What’s yours? Vanity? Drugs? Sex? Power? We’ve all chased something to feel alive. You’re no different. But here’s the crazy thing: you’ve actually brushed up against real fulfillment and greatness more than once. You just didn’t know how to hold onto it.

The problem isn’t that you’re broken. It’s the opposite. You’re built for this. You’ve taken hits that would’ve ended softer men. You ooze resilience.  What’s ahead won’t be easy, but it will be yours.

The Fix

You’ve heard the word Stoic before. It doesn’t mean suppressing emotions, it means commanding them. Anger becomes purpose. Fear becomes preparation. Desire becomes direction. And ego? It dies and the remnants become fuel for something stronger.

Stoics aren’t passive. They’re not born warriors, leaders, and survivors; they’re trained to be that way. They write their fears down every morning and review their failures each night. They seek discomfort on purpose. They don’t brag about being strong. While others chase attention and distraction, Stoics stay clear-headed, disciplined, and immune to chaos.

You’re not expected to become a Stoic at any point in our relationship. But you will be expected to journal daily and live the best version of yourself. If Stoicism fits in that equation for you, great. If not, that’s fine too. Either way, you’re going to be expected to show up and give your best. And you’ll be expected to write every day. 

Besides journaling daily, you’ll meet with me as often as I think you need it. You’ll sign real contracts on the back of your promises. You’ll track progress, celebrate every failure, and face real consequences when your integrity or effort are shit. You’ll begin training your emotions like you’re preparing for battle and we won’t stop until your objective has been met. 

Yes, you’re going to write a lot about your emotions. This isn’t venting and it’s not coddling. And it’s definitely not some spiritual woo-woo nonsense. Remeber, this is training. The hardest, most rewarding kind of training a man can do to master himself.

What Makes Me The Best to Train You

I used to be the kind of man Stoicism was made to fix; angry, manipulative, ego-driven, and dangerously charming. Until I changed my mindset and actions in 2016, I destroyed every relationship I had while seducing and lying my way through life daily. But I considered myself successful because I was always able to have as much fun as I wanted. Underneath though? I was a scared, selfish coward with a law degree and a penchant for addictive behavior. 

The full story is in my memoir, Ruthless, but here’s the short version: I lived a hedonistic scorched Earth policy for years before everything imploded. I partied with everyone everywhere and betrayed those who loved me quickest. I then ate and drank myself to over 300 pounds before aiming to end it all one night drunk off self-pity. The next day I started reading about Stoicism and have gone on to use it not as a life hack, but as my default daily lifeline. 

I started by just reading about it. Then I talked to people. Eventually, I started living it. Nearly every day for the past decade, I’ve journaled like my life depended on it, because at times, it did. I built systems and failed them all. Quit more than I finished. But I kept showing up. I owned my failures. And over time, I became the man I used to pretend to be: calm, respected, honest, and in control, regardless of what was happening around me.

Now I teach men how to do the same. Not because I’m better, but because I was way worse. If this system was enough to kill my ego and rebuild a good life, then it can damn sure work miracles for whatever you’ve got going on.

So… We’re here. 

Are you going to stop circling the truth? You know you need this. Book your first session now. 

You’re not going to find the courage to schedule a call. I get it. Then text me and let’s start the conversation. Let me know what’s going on. You’re going to see very, very quickly how caring and dedicated I am to helping you be the best version of yourself.

Are you willing to rule yourself today?