How to Overcome Vices Like a Stoic
You don’t have a problem with vices. You have a problem following through with plans you make while sober. Let’s fix it.
You don’t have to be intoxicated to lose your sobriety. Acting when emotional can create the same dysfunction in your decision making as being hammered. It’s those little lies you tell yourself: “I earned it.” “I deserve it.” “It’s not hurting anyone.” “It’s not like I’m addicted.”
You don’t have to be addicted to something to be a slave to it, or someone and their dumb ideas. We’ve all seen how the line between indulgence, fanaticism, and addiction is remarkably thin. It’s also usually paved with hilariously false justifications. Kinda like the ones you’re using right now about your vices.
What Is a Vice?
A vice is anything you do for yourself that can’t be tied to humanity’s benefit. It’s pretty easy to find mutual benefit in good activities, but vices have none. It can be difficult to label vices given what science says is actually a benefit to some folks. That said, it’s always a “you know it when you feel it” sorta thing. Even young children know the twinge of guilt that shows up every time we ride the fine line between appropriate self-care and indulging in comfort for too long. But there are certainly clear vices no one can justify.
A drink every day? Vice.
Any drug that doesn’t keep you alive? Vice.
Gaming alone? Vice.
Working out for longer than your purpose requires? Vice.
Every fast food meal ever eaten? Vice and piss-poor planning.
Remember, if it serves only a craving and provides nothing beyond the moment, it’s a vice. And that’s okay; if you’re honest about it.
Why Vices Exist (and Why Civilization Has Ruined Them)
We all learn pretty early on that life isn’t fun all the time. Vices certainly make it feel better, but it’s always for a very short time. When vices are used as a reward for hard work and moderated, however, they’re exactly what a balanced life calls for. Unfortunately, civilization has figured out a way to give us a lot of stuff we want in mass quantities at cheap prices. That’s not good or natural.
Ever see an animal in a documentary get drunk off fermented fruit? Completely natural. But fermented fruit only happens under certain conditions and then goes bad fairly quickly. Because other species haven’t figured out how to make it and store it, they aren’t able to develop bad habits. See? Nature says you’re allowed to be drunk every once in a while. But we hacked the system pretty quickly, figuring out how to bottle and stockpile rewards so they’re always within reach. So how are we supposed to counter the fact we’ve made fun way too accessible? The same way every other animal relaxes.
You pay attention. You already know that to feel a certain way isn’t reality. A feeling is an emotional experience that distorts what’s actually happening. Getting white-hot mad isn’t just a saying, it’s a physiological response. When you’re upset or excited, your sympathetic nervous system dumps adrenaline into your bloodstream. Your heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration jump as your skin temperature (especially in the face and ears) climbs a couple of degrees. That flush and heat are why “white-hot mad” feels literal, not just fun prose. When you’re enveloped in that amount of rage, reality is a pipe dream. And those urges and cravings? They are most likely triggered from an emotional response too.
The key is to recognize when an emotion shows up and do nothing. Almost nothing. You’re going to want to move your body in some way to alleviate the tension. Good! Go! Run, do push-ups, air squats, hit a punching bag. But you must not speak to anyone unless it is your words on paper. Grunt if you must, but do not make words out loud. Go be alone if you must and let it all out, but the goal is to get to a point where no one ever sees your rage; even yourself. Once you recognize that vices create a false sense of pleasure and security, you must find a way to use them to your benefit…and ours, if you can.
The Problem Isn’t Use. It’s Worship.
The body learns what gives it comfort and the mind tricks you into thinking you need it. That’s the slippery slope we all must avoid. But you’ve probably seen how your body doesn’t care about your relationships, your purpose, your kid, or your calling. It wants less tension through dopamine and fun. Your mind, if ruled by your body, becomes an addicted servant to those causes.
Addiction happens when a vice stops being a pleasurable break and becomes a default activity for comfort. Your brain gets rewired to believe irrational lies like you need something. If you’ve ever felt like a situation was unbearable to the point that you had to have your thing, you know the demon that affects so many lives every day and has ruined so many more. But you think you’re different? Built different? Raised different? Have more willpower?
The Solution Isn’t What You Think.
You know willpower flickers and a person’s integrity will be flimsy at times when chaos strikes. But in that, look at how our imagination is always ready to provide false justification for urgent situations that aren’t really urgent. Don’t fight it; use it. Let it tell a different story and then use it to find a different activity that is in the complete opposite direction than what you’re facing.
When it comes to overcoming addiction or vices, there is only one thing that works every time for every human ever alive. Do the opposite. If you want a smoke break, do some breathing exercises. If you want booze, have a drink of water and a sober conversation with a friend. If you have an addiction to your phone, leave it at home. If you’re addicted to porn, practice fighting.
That last one may sound odd, but it’s what I did. I developed a wee bit of terrible porn addiction while living by myself in law school. I overcame it using Stoicism’s prescription of doing the opposite. I figured the opposite of sex is fighting, so I trained both my body and mind to fight. I started training in Brazilian jiu-jitsu to feel more confident in defending myself physically. But it also helped control my emotions whilst getting my ass royally kicked. I kept my mind strong by reading voraciously to gain knowledge so I could win arguments, personally with friends and in my day job as an attorney. But to be able to employ this capability with any sort of willpower, I had to fail a few times, or a few hundred, before it became my new nature.
Here’s the framework for vice management according to Stoicism:
Confront the Grip: If it owns you 24/7, admit it and seek professional help.
Do the Opposite: Replace your vice with something that brings a real benefit to others.
Contain It: Use strict time and space boundaries. Break them? Talk about it with someone. Don’t have anyone? Liar. But if you’re not courageous enough to talk to someone else, talk to yourself in a journal.
Include Others: Turn solo vices into shared virtue. That might be a pipedream, so at least let someone else hold you accountable.
If you’re ready to quit by the end of this blog, do it already. But chances are you probably don’t yet have the willpower or the plan. That’s fine. Remember, we’re only chasing a creative list of opposite activities right now.
Choose your opposite activities carefully and wisely. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen turn to physical fitness and simply transfer their addiction from one thing to the gym. Unless your job is to be a fitness model, gyms are proving grounds for vanity and ego for the unaware. Remember, nothing is good if not in moderation.
Vices Aren’t Inherently Evil. But They Aren’t Virtue.
If you’re an American, you can do literally anything you want with this life…if it’s good. We’re currently set up to align with virtue inside our entire political and social systems. And even though a few American societies have had a tumultuous relationship with vices, the current attitude towards them has never been this liberal. That’s not a political statement or a swipe at anyone, it’s just a fact that our government and our society allows an exceptional amount of vices to exist compared to any other point in history.
That alone is neither good nor bad. It is the choices you make that will determine the outcome.
Victory in Moderation
Every time you walk away from a vice on your terms, you win. Even if it’s just skipping a second scoop of ice cream (especially if you are a 44 year-old man who refuses to acknowledge you're lactose intolerant). It’s still discipline. And even though it may not make your existence feel all that much closer to your best self, it’s still a step.
Just promise yourself to keep trying to avoid those twinges of guilt. You know how close to the line you can get before they show up. I bet you’ll see it’s actually remarkably close before you start to feel guilty. Stay away as long as possible and then retreat back to yourself and your inner circle the moment you fail. And love your failure!
Love it All! Even Relapses.
Relapses are a good thing and were supposed to happen. You weren’t ready yet. A failure to avoid vices is just your old self putting up a fight on its way out. It’s a stress test on your discipline. It shows you what still has power over you and what doesn’t. A relapse isn’t a rejection of growth, it’s a reminder of the distance between now and then. That’s not a weakness. It’s awareness.
Don’t hate a relapse. Study it. Ask what you were trying to escape? What story did you tell to justify it? How does the next version of you overcome it?
While you figure this out, get back to work and to your family. That’s what builds character: not perfect streaks, but consistent returns. You need to focus on what you should be doing. In that exercise, you might find your current purpose is actually what you’re trying to escape. That’s good too.
What To Do First.
This week, take inventory. Write down when you want your vices. Be honest about what you feel when you need them. And make sure to also note every time you give in. Try like hell to walk away with pride and try harder to engage your opposite activity. Succeed or fail, journal. Repeat as needed. Easy, right?
It’s so far from easy; it’s hard AF when you’re just starting out. So, use a crutch until you get the feel of it. Accountability is the ultimate vice-killer. If you need help or need an ironclad accountability buddy, hit me up. That’s exactly why I’m here.
